The Things They Leave Behind
What have you tried and kept in your life from an ex lover?
I know that we pick up things from everyone in our lives. I like melted cheese on my popcorn because of my high school best friend. I like guys in board shorts due to my first boyfriend, who was a surfer. I owe liking cult classic movies to my husband.
And now I have to drive in the left lane because of ex AP. He always told me I couldn’t just hang out in the left lane, it’s not for slow drivers. And even though I have started to fully move on, that stupid left lane reminds me of him. So for now, I’ll just hang out in the right lane, even if I do have to take a left in 50 miles.
And of course, I threw out all that stupid red lingerie he liked so much. Red is a dumbass color anyway.
One person called them “spider webs.”
You don’t know the memories are there until you get caught unawares. And then you walk into them and get spider web goo all over you.
I would get the heebie jeebies, but whatever.
One lady on r/adultery explained, “Ex-AP taught me a lot about opening up sexually and trying new things. He also got me into yoga, which is now a huge part of my life. We spent a lot of time in fancy wine bars, so I learned a lot about wine and food pairings. Friends have actually commented on all of my new hobbies. He also taught me to be distrustful and harden my heart, which is a sad but useful lesson in this game.”
I’ve learned about wine, too.
“I can’t tell the difference from a $10 bottle to a $50 one,” I told my guy. “I pick a blend based on how cool the label is,” I explained.
“You haven’t tried a $50 bottle,” he said.
“True, but it all seems the same. Wine is wine.”
After trying a bottle of Caymus Cabernet, I got it. “THIS IS GOOD!” I said. “It’s velvety and so smooth.”
“Yep, you get it now.”
He surprised me once with a very expensive bottle of Jordan Cabernet Sauvignon Alexander Valley 2015, which we had in a park overlooking the water. “This one is amazing,” I exclaimed. ($250 bottles of wine are better; who would’ve guessed? I’m being sarcastic. I’m still happy drinking my Apothic red blend since I’m not entirely a bougie bitch. And the Jordan Winery estate tour and tasting, with olive oil tasting and chef’s cuisine pairing, is an experience. I highly recommend it if you are in Sonoma, California. Maybe I AM a bougie bitch.)
“Pineapple on pizza. No, I don't want to talk about it...” another person wrote. “Ex AP opened my world to weed, lol, 😂 taught me all about it because that’s what industry he is in. He taught me to try new foods. Okay. Now I go back to crying, lol,” added another.
“Same, I like vanilla flavored coffee and cheese danish from Starbucks because of an ex gf AP.”
“Top two—video games and word contractions!”
“My ex AP taught me some really amazing recipes. Delicious and quick. Still get reminded of her every time I am making them.”
“It's a shame about the red lingerie! Your post struck a chord with me; it's making me piece together the things I enjoy because of previous relationships. My favorite is my awful ex who used to have a "meal" which was slicing a baguette and eating paté on it until she burst, a tradition I carry on to this day!”
So, whether it’s paté or video games or weed or even pineapple on pizza, we are a sum of what people leave behind.
I don’t know about melted cheese on popcorn. That sounds pretty nuts to me, but whatever floats your snack boat, I guess. I have learned to try new things from my past lovers. I’ve tried edibles and good wine, among other things.
Sometimes, it’s not about sex, though. It’s the experiences that stay with you. Plus the red lingerie.
And the pain.
He also taught me to be distrustful and harden my heart, which is a sad but useful lesson in this game.
Unfortunately, I’ve learned this, too.
The cynicism.
The lovers certainly left that behind.
What habits, foods, or things did exes leave behind for you?
Tell me in the comments.
And what is your favorite cheap wine?
Expensive one?
Maybe you can turn me onto something good!
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We never made coffee together, but for some reason she crosses my mind almost every morning as I grind the beans and reach for the cream. She knew how I liked my coffee and maybe that's the link. There are little things everywhere.
I learned to respect the time some people need to be on their own, the personal space and the distance. Some relationships take their time to happen and it's better to wait instead of forcing or try to rush it.