Do you have a plan?
“A plan for what?” you ask.
For when you get caught.
It’s gonna happen. Usually, sooner rather than later.
Spill all the beans?
Half-truths?
Do you and your AP (affair partner) have coordinated stories?
One lady on r/adultery:
“I have zero plan.
Ugh! In theory, my affair is over. (but we've also ended it more times than I can remember, so who knows) I have an OPSEC issue from over a year ago that could still come back to haunt me. AP and I have never discussed getting caught. I'm admittedly a cake eater and don't want to destroy my husband.
This affair is all of the terrible things. I am 100% the bad guy in my story. Emotional. Physical. Two years. At work—on the clock. Dude even moved away, and I went on a "Girl's trip" and snuck away to see him.
There will be no saving my marriage if he finds out. And I will lose everyone I love. Is it better to say it wasn't emotional? Typing this out makes me nauseous, but maybe I need ya'll to tell me how fucked I am.”
Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.
One adulterer explained, “If you’re going to do this, then you should be prepared for the consequences and be ready to put it all out there. It will only make it worse and drag out the inevitable if you lie. Be prepared to fall on your sword, so to speak, to continue to fabricate stories will cost you more than your marriage. It will cost you your honor and your integrity, and if you have kids, you will have to face that.
I would compare it to skydiving and not having your parachute open. You knew it was dangerous, you knew the chute might fail, you had to face the consequences. I’m not trying to be judgy, I’m being pragmatic. This is a dangerous game with life-altering consequences. You need to make sure you do your opsec and infosec, and you have to keep your head on a swivel. If you don’t, you can and will get caught, and if that happens, well, I hope you are prepared for the fallout. Even if your spouse gives you another chance, there will be trauma on both ends. It doesn’t guarantee that you will save your lifestyle or your marriage.”
Honor and integrity. LOL.
Those disappeared a long time ago, dude. I don’t think any of us is a paragon of humanity.
But, they are right about:
1). Head being on swivel.
2). Be prepared for the fallout.
3). Mega trauma.
TEAM COME CLEAN:
The initial shit storm probably will be bad enough, I figure, just kitchen sink it.
If you’re caught, you’re caught, and if they suspect you’re not 100% forthcoming, they will keep digging and digging, dragging it all out.
If I get caught, I will 100% come clean. I don’t think it’s fair to gaslight and trickle truth. It’s actually quite cruel in my opinion. I don’t want to cause any more damage to my SO than I already have. I’ve seen this happen to friends, and the misery and trauma gaslighting and trickle-truthing causes is not something I want to be responsible for, especially since finding out about the cheating will already cause pain.
The trauma from D-day is bad enough, but the continuing lying is just inflicting pain and torture, and can lead to long-term damage to the spouse.
Just be 100% honest and rip the Band-Aid off.
“I’ll be honest when my dishonesty is discovered.”
The bullshit game.
Again, the “look how moral I am! I won’t lie once I’m caught!” is just virtue signaling. No one’s spouse ever said, “well at least you were honest about being dishonest. I’ll forgive you now, and I will trust you again.” Haha.
They will crucify you.
If you were given the ultimatum of “give me their name or get an attorney, pack your shit, and leave,” what would you do?
It’s time to man up.
If you ever get caught, you have only one option: ‘This is the day I dreaded. Please send me the divorce papers, and I will sign them immediately.”
What’s the correct answer for what to do when caught?
Leave.
That’s the kindest thing you can do. What comes out comes out, but willingly sharing it will only cause more pain.
The betrayed spouse will never forget.
Your marriage is over.
Reconciling is going to make the rest of your life HELL.
I know this is an unpopular opinion—but endless groveling isn’t my idea of a life well lived. I’d rather be free and alone (albeit much poorer). I never revealed shit. I just had my bags packed and left after asking for a divorce.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I said. End of story.
Or as one adulterer put it, “My plan, pay through the teeth in alimony.”
No spilling all the beans.
No half-truths.
No denying.
No discussing the “Whys.”
The gig is up. It’s over and out.
Tell me in the comments what you would do if you were caught cheating.
I lied and then I left!
One wonders if there should be a rulebook of sorts
And one would have to be apparently squeaky clean and have
the ability to lock the information is a secure permanently inaccessible
mental location
Perhaps if one had a apartment at least 2 states away and other means
of communication and identification, information known only to oneself
One course these methods might put a bit of a damper on the spontaneity