You are the writer, not I. And I enjoy your work immensely. You are a voice for a large but otherwise voiceless constituency. Perhaps my input could be fodder for a future essay.
Mine is a Competition Marriage.
Marriage is a competition.
A husband is an adversarial counterparty who needs to be overcome and defeated in order to be the Alpha Spouse.
It starts with correcting my grammar and goes on from there to scrutinizing and critiquing everything I do, say and every aspect of how I present. Under no circumstances can a husband be permitted to develop any enthusiasm or self confidence. If I “slip” and start acting natural something needs to get called out to push me down where I belong.
As long as she can be the “alpha” that’s all that matters. “Sex” is a word that does not exist.
My wife is perfectly satisfied in her marriage.
She gets to be superior. That’s all that matters.
For me, how I deal with it, I avoid her company at all cost. I have my own activities and friends and do everything (that’s enjoyable) without her.
To repair my self confidence I developed a side gig that’s therapeutic to me. I tried it out as a flyer a couple years ago. I got some positive responses and actually some referrals. I’m now kind of “in demand” as a side gig for this work. I am, as a part time side gig, a studio figure drawing art model. The institutes and colleges where I pose confirm to the classical format of the model posing nude. At first it was nerve wracking, and for the first pose in a new place, still is. I find that presenting, nude, before a room full of eyes focused on me acts like vitamins to my self confidence.
When one poses like that and frozen in a pose position ( a voluntary self-imposed bondage since one can not move or the pose is broken) you’re in the most nakedly exposed (literally and figuratively) position a person can be in. The only “defense” or “clothing” between you and absolute vulnerability is your self confidence. I wear no clothing and I am powerless to move an inch but I am fully clothed and defended my one thing and one thing only.
My self confidence.
I could not be less vulnerable if I were wearing a suit of armor.
That is how I re-inject to myself the confidence that she siphons out of me.
The last time I felt inspired to make a pass at her for sex we were on a tropical island with a parent group chaperoning our kids for a sailing regatta there. One dad found a breathtakingly beautiful deserted beach and took some of us to see it. I was so enthralled I decided I’d come back with her, surprise her and get naked, run into the sea, brung her in and have wild animal sex like savages under the glorious tropical sun. I went back where we were staying and tried to persuade yet to come on an adventure with me to see “the most beautiful deserted beach in the world.” She started talking about all the chores she had to do and no, not now, too much to do. I tried getting her to go 5 times. After the fifth ask I wondered if I should just blurt out what I had in mind. Then the realization retuned to me. I can’t get a simple”yes” out of my wife if I make a twenty slide PowerPoint presentation and survive a cross examination worthy of the Supreme Court.
It was then that I realized getting this woman to do one simple thing I ask her is impossible.
Thanks for sharing your story. Does she ask if you are “ok” with being sexless or does she just ignore the issue? My ex just assumed I’d be okay being a nun.
I got some dick pills, just for us to spice things up and have fun with, not because I need them. She was shocked and confused, said why get them if we don’t need them, and asked if I was seeing someone else. Which is weird, because why would I tell her about it if I wanted to use them with someone else. I canceled my “prescription”.
You are the writer, not I. And I enjoy your work immensely. You are a voice for a large but otherwise voiceless constituency. Perhaps my input could be fodder for a future essay.
Mine is a Competition Marriage.
Marriage is a competition.
A husband is an adversarial counterparty who needs to be overcome and defeated in order to be the Alpha Spouse.
It starts with correcting my grammar and goes on from there to scrutinizing and critiquing everything I do, say and every aspect of how I present. Under no circumstances can a husband be permitted to develop any enthusiasm or self confidence. If I “slip” and start acting natural something needs to get called out to push me down where I belong.
As long as she can be the “alpha” that’s all that matters. “Sex” is a word that does not exist.
My wife is perfectly satisfied in her marriage.
She gets to be superior. That’s all that matters.
For me, how I deal with it, I avoid her company at all cost. I have my own activities and friends and do everything (that’s enjoyable) without her.
To repair my self confidence I developed a side gig that’s therapeutic to me. I tried it out as a flyer a couple years ago. I got some positive responses and actually some referrals. I’m now kind of “in demand” as a side gig for this work. I am, as a part time side gig, a studio figure drawing art model. The institutes and colleges where I pose confirm to the classical format of the model posing nude. At first it was nerve wracking, and for the first pose in a new place, still is. I find that presenting, nude, before a room full of eyes focused on me acts like vitamins to my self confidence.
When one poses like that and frozen in a pose position ( a voluntary self-imposed bondage since one can not move or the pose is broken) you’re in the most nakedly exposed (literally and figuratively) position a person can be in. The only “defense” or “clothing” between you and absolute vulnerability is your self confidence. I wear no clothing and I am powerless to move an inch but I am fully clothed and defended my one thing and one thing only.
My self confidence.
I could not be less vulnerable if I were wearing a suit of armor.
That is how I re-inject to myself the confidence that she siphons out of me.
Wow. What a story. I also had an ex who liked to feel superior, so I get it. It’s no way to live.
The last time I felt inspired to make a pass at her for sex we were on a tropical island with a parent group chaperoning our kids for a sailing regatta there. One dad found a breathtakingly beautiful deserted beach and took some of us to see it. I was so enthralled I decided I’d come back with her, surprise her and get naked, run into the sea, brung her in and have wild animal sex like savages under the glorious tropical sun. I went back where we were staying and tried to persuade yet to come on an adventure with me to see “the most beautiful deserted beach in the world.” She started talking about all the chores she had to do and no, not now, too much to do. I tried getting her to go 5 times. After the fifth ask I wondered if I should just blurt out what I had in mind. Then the realization retuned to me. I can’t get a simple”yes” out of my wife if I make a twenty slide PowerPoint presentation and survive a cross examination worthy of the Supreme Court.
It was then that I realized getting this woman to do one simple thing I ask her is impossible.
I haven’t made a pass at her since.
It was 2014.
Thanks for sharing your story. Does she ask if you are “ok” with being sexless or does she just ignore the issue? My ex just assumed I’d be okay being a nun.
I got some dick pills, just for us to spice things up and have fun with, not because I need them. She was shocked and confused, said why get them if we don’t need them, and asked if I was seeing someone else. Which is weird, because why would I tell her about it if I wanted to use them with someone else. I canceled my “prescription”.
Did you guys ever have sex?
We used to. She lost interest 15 years ago or so. We’re down to a few times a year if I’m lucky.
She had to get a hospital bed and she asked for a single bed!
😂
I got a brazilian wax for the first time and my wife didn't notice... (same-sex marriage).
Happened to me too! LOL. He never ever looked at my body.