Can Cheating Save a Marriage?

Saving yourself first and foremost

Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash

Can cheating save a marriage?

Doubtful.

But it can save you.

“After 13 years of a dead bedroom and a narcissist husband, I made a half-joking request to the universe for a hot guy who lived close to the park who I could bang while I was out on my dog walks.

I met him the next day. He understood my situation and wasn’t phased, we had a great eight months together, and we are still friends.

He treated me with kindness and showed me what my life could be like with someone else. The whole experience has given me the strength and confidence to leave my marriage and seek out happiness on my own,” one woman explained on Reddit.

That’s how I felt.

It saved my self-esteem.
My sense of worth.

“I am desirable!”
“I don’t have to put up with this crap!”

I remembered how much I loved myself before I got married. Until an asexual and critical husband ground me down year after year.

My marriage was long gone at that point — nothing but finances and family expectations holding us together. My affairs forced me to see all the desires I had shoved below the surface to keep the peace.

I went from being neglected to owning my sex drive.

I don’t think cheating saves the marriage… but it makes things more bearable until you can save yourself.

Cheating is a catalyst for something.
Usually, a new beginning.

No more feeling “stuck.” No more trying to “fix” things that are unfixable. No more covering up hurt.

The low-libido spouse doesn’t take the high-libido partner seriously until they cheat. Then the low-libido spouse takes notice and genuinely tries to work on the relationship by taking responsibility for their own contributions to the situation.

PERHAPS, then, cheating can strengthen a marriage.

It can happen if you file for divorce, too. It’s the fire under the pot moment. Anything that makes the low-libido spouse listen to their high-libido partner, instead of dismissing them.

The dead bedroom has already killed the marriage, even if one spouse refuses to admit that fact. They are done with the “I don’t want to sleep with you, but I don’t want you sleeping with anyone else!” logic.

An affair in a dead bedroom can’t “kill it more.”

The denied partner decides to look elsewhere.

Unfortunately, it’s human nature not to change until it’s too painful not to. Telling your partner, “I’m unhappy with our dead bedroom,” but not changing anything on your side often doesn’t work. Saying, “I’m considering leaving/cheating,” often doesn’t work.

ACTIONS work.
And actions have consequences. Like life.

So save yourself — maybe not your marriage. Because the grass is definitely greener on the other side if you are living in a desert.

Maybe cheating can’t save your marriage. But would you want it to?

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Did cheating save your marriage?

Did it save you?

Tell me in the comments.