48, {M4F} Man Seeking Woman for Fun Times
YOU:
I don’t have a type, but sexy and skinny with bleached blonde hair works for me.
You must spend a good majority of your income on beer, cigarettes, and fireworks. You should have a car to drive me around since that damn cop caught me drinking. You can pay my cell phone bills since you love hearing from me. You can read the gibberish I text like, “r u round” and “bb I am fire emoji.”
You come running.
You will ignore your young children and boyfriend for my very-married ass since I am better than he is. I’ll treat you right, baby cakes.
ME:
I am 48 years old, but I can easily pass for 60 from overexposure to UV light. I quit booze and weed at least 9 times last week. This time, it’s going to stick, I promise.
I don’t buy into the capitalist system. I am a self-made man. No one tells me what to do. Or how to live. I’m not some puppet on a string. Not my wife or nobody.
The wife stopped being fun a long time ago. That’s why I step out. Life’s too short to be tied to that ‘ole ball and chain.
US:
We will drink the champagne of beers—Miller High Life and shoot poker together at the local bar where I know everyone.
We will kiss with our mouths open with my hand firmly on your ass. You will love it. I’ll introduce you as my “girl” to my buddies. They won’t ask about my wife or your kids. No pesky “Who’s taking care of the rugrats” questions.
On special occasions, we can play Dine and Dash at Red Lobster. Once you see all my flaws, I will ghost you for the sweet waitress at Red Lobster who calls me “honey” and has three baby daddies and a few missing teeth.
THIS IS A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY.
RIP his inbox. He’s going to be drowning in replies. Haha. Would you answer his (obviously) satirical ad? I would.
My fave line was, “You must spend a good majority of your income on beer, cigarettes, and fireworks.” That was pure gold.
What was your favorite line?
And what would you put in your ad that was a joke (for the right person) to get?
This song is good for summertime:
Funny/satirical (I hope) add sequence. ‘I quit alcohol and weed 9 times this week” very funny in an Airplane movie type of way (for us plus 50 crowd)
NIce to see you here. I'm shifting over from Medium.