Looking for the Perfect Fantasy Affair Partner

I did find what I was looking for.

Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash

Oh, I have given this far too much thought. Years of cheating have made this list get longer and longer. It’s a pipe dream, I know, finding everything I want in an affair partner.

My fantasy lover list includes:

1. Is local. Please be able to fuck me on the sly easily. No syncing calendars. No monthly planning. More of “Are you free?” and “God, yes.”

2. Can skip a day of work every so often to spend a day in a hotel room getting sweaty. Is there anything better? I don’t think so.

3. Enjoys creatively building sexual tension between our rendezvous. Less of “What are you going to wear?” and “What can I bring?” to more of “Let’s try something new” or “I have a surprise waiting.”

4. Is sexually confident and curious. Yeah, duh. Grey matter is actually what matters most in bed.

5. Isn’t on the prowl looking for someone better. After a long-standing dead bedroom, I need a man who wants me loud and clear.

6. Has an insatiable appetite for cunnilingus. Yes, please. Another line item not available at home. I will be a grateful pillow princess.

7. Is meticulous in their OPSEC (operational security — aka how you cover up your shady shit).

8. Someone who doesn’t bail and make excuses. Show up when you say you will, or I’ll find someone else who will. It’s as simple as that.

9. Is in it for the long run. The less vetting of new candidates, the better. Tryout sex is a crapshoot — usually, just crap.

10. Isn’t afraid of the “feels.” I don’t need to feel like a hooker on call. Genuine warmth with a lover would be ideal. It doesn’t have to be just sex.

11. Someone who desires me as much as I desire him. Never happened in my marriage, unfortunately.

12. Someone who builds me up instead of tearing me down. See #11.

13. Someone with whom I can be entirely sexually free with. See all of the above.

It’s a fantasy. I know. Thirteen requirements that rarely pan out. I need more than a bed and a man. I’d like so much more.

The kind of lover that makes me sigh. And not in exasperation.

I’ve had close with a few. Guys that were everything from one to nine. Then, poof! Feelings. That was the affair-ender. “No feelings.” I didn’t want to start over with someone new, either, but I liked the caring part. Most men didn’t.

Number 13 was the end goal.

My personal nirvana. I needed the comfort and trust of a partner to get there. This was never possible in my marriage, yet I was hoping to find that freedom with a lover—free to be the woman I wanted to be.

Maybe it wouldn’t be a fantasy after all.

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I found him. And I left my marriage and never looked back.

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I used to listen to this song on repeat. It's funny how life works sometimes.