How Do You Describe Yourself in Adultery Land?
How important is attraction and lust and hotness?
If a prospective affair partner describes themselves as “conventionally attractive” in an ad, what does that mean?
Are they sexy?
Or just “meh.”
Could they be simply confident in their appeal, or is there a hint of delusion in their self-perception? Would most people agree that they are attractive enough, even if they aren’t their type?
“He’s hot for an older guy.”
”She’s not my thing, but I get the appeal.”
”I don’t usually go for that look, but hmmm…”
Perhaps it’s akin to house hunting. You’ll know the right one when you see it. A phrase that sends shivers down every realtor's spine. “How many homes do we have to look at?” they groan.
When I was younger, I thought I had a “type.” Then, I threw my version of “tall, dark, and handsome” out the window. I married someone very different from my “ideal.” My ex-husband described himself as “handsome” in his Match.com ad long ago.
My affair partner called him a “typical white guy” when he saw his photo. “Kinda looks like a loaf of generic white bread.”
“I thought he was handsome!” I argued.
”Whatever.”
LOL. Maybe my lover was a tad jealous.
My ex wasn’t a stylish dresser or snappy with wit. But he was solid and dependable. At that point in my life, I felt pressured to choose a “safe” partner to start a family with, so wild sexual attraction wasn’t in the cards. He was conventionally attractive, don’t get me wrong, but he didn’t light my fire.
Maybe that’s what doomed us all along.
We never built on a bedrock of lust and longing. It wasn’t rocket science to envision our subsequent dead bedroom.
Affair partners are a different story.
Would a prospective lover be so dreamy that they would sweep me off my feet (both literally and figuratively)? I envisioned rolling around crisp white hotel sheets and making them messy with sweat and bodily fluids. Would I let them take me to bed and ponder my poor life decisions later?
IT'S ALL DESIRE WHEN CHEATING.
FLAMING THIRST.
You know your lover is right for you.
That’s the thing. They may not appeal to others. And it’s okay.
But when they whisper in your ear or give you that special smirk—that one that makes you weak, you know deep in your bones that they are hot for you. They may not have washboard abs or a perfect figure, but GOD, do they turn you on.
It’s usually more than looks. Intelligence, attitude, personality, and humor are critical factors. Someone who makes the most of their gifts goes to the front of the line.
People can be terrible at describing themselves. It could be years of a lousy marriage taking its toll on their already negligent self-esteem.
Of course, attractiveness is subjective.
It’s an energy. A tilt of the head. When their eyes say more than their mouth.
Your spouse’s lack of desire drills the message into your head that you're not attractive, making you feel unlovable.
“No one will ever want me!”
Yet, you find someone who does. Loud and clear. They want you—way more than you ever thought possible.
Then, you take the leap.
Tell me what makes your lover attractive to you in the comments.
This song sums it up:
This article is dedicated to Cliff @cliff116837
Don’t let your wife tear you down.