101 Excuses Why Your Spouse Won't Have Sex With You
I'm a dead bedroom survivor; I've heard far too many excuses.
What are the things that “turn off” your spouse?
As a dead bedroom veteran, let me start the list:
I have a headache (a classic).
There are too many things to do.
It’s too late.
It’s too early.
I’m too tired (another textbook one).
I ate too much.
I’m hungry.
I drank too much water.
I have my period.
I’m pms’ing.
You are too loud.
The kids might hear.
The kids are asleep.
What if the kids wake up?
It needs to be completely dark.
I can’t when it’s daylight.
We don’t have enough time.
It takes too long.
It’s too cold.
It’s too hot.
My back ________(pick a body part) hurts.
I can’t relax.
You make me anxious.
My job is too stressful.
I had a tough day.
I have to wake up early.
You have to wake up early.
It’s a work night.
We’ve been drinking.
You’ve been drinking.
I’d like to keep drinking.
My heart rate will go up.
I’ll get sweaty.
I can’t breathe when I kiss you.
We have guests!
I just want to sleep (and proceeds to stay up late).
I need to poop.
I just pooped.
I’m depressed.
I’m still mad at you.
It’s your fault (and starts an argument to prevent sex).
I haven’t showered.
Then, I have to shower.
I have to clean up afterward.
I feel fat.
I don’t feel sexy.
You don’t last long.
I can’t last long.
It’s over too fast.
It’s over too quickly.
You get frustrated.
I get frustrated.
You’re too horny.
I’m not horny.
I’m afraid of getting pregnant.
I don’t like condoms.
I don’t like feeling “dirty.”
It’s gross.
The dishes are still in the sink.
The house is dirty.
Did you see how much laundry there is?
It’s too hard for me to have an orgasm.
You don’t give me an orgasm.
You get too wet (I’ve heard this one — no lie).
I can’t feel anything.
You are too loose.
I don’t like your kisses.
You are making me ticklish; stop it! (Heard this quite a bit, too).
I don’t like to be touched.
I hate it when you massage me.
Your smell is getting to me (also this…).
Your hands are too rough.
Your fingernails hurt me.
Your toenails are too long.
You never laugh.
Sex makes me sad.
My show is on.
Can’t you see I’m playing a game?
I’m in the middle of something.
Wouldn’t you rather watch TV?
Why are you bothering me?
You shouldn’t want to pressure me!
You are bossing me around.
If you would do ______ (fill in this endless blank).
If you changed _____ (another fill in the blank).
I’m worried about ______ (rotates as needed).
You can masturbate.
Go watch porn and leave me alone.
We’ll do it in the morning.
Let’s try for tomorrow night.
I’ll make it up to you.
I don’t fantasize about sex.
It’s a waste of time.
I don’t have to degrade myself anymore.
We just had sex.
I don’t like sex.
I’m done with sex.
I don’t need sex.
I have a low libido (duh).
You don’t try to turn me on.
You’re turning me off.
No, not tonight. Or this morning. Or anytime. It’s like trying to fuck a Rubik’s cube. Nothing ever aligns to have sex.
People who want to have sex have sex. People that don’t want to have sex have excuses.
Which ones have you heard? Tell me in the comments.
Well the one I heard was I don't like sex. If you still need it then get it from soimeone else, just don't
tell me about it.. That happened in 1994 and in 2024 we are still married but sleep in different bedrooms..